Dirty Shank # 245 White

As your maid of honor, I have to tell you that "I cannot believe you are wearing white, AGAIN." Seriously, after the 3rd wedding that is just so tacky.

Dirty Shank # 244 Toilet

Meet the toilet triplets. This is a set of relationship cards, in my head I see the scenario like this:

him: 'Your reputation is in the toilet.'

her: 'Way to go, our relationship is in the toilet.'

him: 'Your dignity is in the toilet.'

and then it's all tears,screaming,slamming doors... you know the drill.




"your dignity is in the toilet."

Dirty Shank # 243 Picture

OK ~ freak show... 'take a picture it'll last longer.'

Dirty Shank # 242 I let you go

News flash! There are other fish in the sea and "you didn't get away.... I let you go."

Dirty Shank # 241 p.s. I hate you

"I've had enough, p.s. I hate you"

Plain and simple - this is the only way to say it...no fancy schmansy talk, don't beat around the bush.

*Bad boss? BAM! This card is for you. Bad co-worker? BAM! This card is for you. Bad employee? BAM! This card is for you.

Does anyone sense some work hostility in the room?

Oh yeah and about that writing about work stuff ~ Heather Armstrong is a favorite writer and she gives this advice on her DOOCE website about writing about work on your blog:

My advice to you is BE YE NOT SO STUPID. Never write about work on the internet unless your boss knows and sanctions the fact that YOU ARE WRITING ABOUT WORK ON THE INTERNET.



*so here is my disclosure... this is hypothetical, jailbird loves her job,THIS IS NOT IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM A COMMENT ON MY JOB.
I should be safe now, dontyathink?

Dirty Shank # 240 Tweets

If you don't know what Twitter is - click here

"Your tweets are stupid."

Seriously. Admit it. You have wanted to respond that way on at least one occasion. 'Fess up.

Dirty Shank # 239 Merry-go-Round

I get asked *often* which Dirty Shank card is my favorite. I love them all, but my *most* favorite is usually the one that I just finished. That is why I could not wait until tomorrow to show you the newest addition to the Dirty Shank family.



Yeah, I'm pretty much tired of staying in the same place.... "I'm getting off the merry-go-round, this relationship is going nowhere.

Dirty Shank # 238 Vasectomy

Look, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. But... (there is always a 'but' when someone is going to tell you what to do), this is your future. Child support 18 years. Vasectomy 10 minutes. You choose.

Dirty Shank #237 Hollywood

Let me be honest; You are too ugly for HOLLYWOOD and too stupid for NYC.

Dirty Shank # 236 Last name

Congratulations! Did you get the daddy's last name this time?

Skanky Ho.

Dirty Shank #235 Great Time

The Jailbird Commissary store is updated with the new cards. All of the cards are one of a kind (thank God, they are just **this** side of ugly - one of a kind is all the world can take) so be ye not disappointed and grab the cards you like quickly. As much as I love you - I don't *DO* duplicates.




I *know* what a great time is. I've *had* a great time... this just wasn't it.

Dirty Shank # 234 Forced

Sorry I forced you to marry me.... I didn't think the coercion would kill the relationship.

Dirty Shank # 233 Facebook

100% inspired by JoEll who is way too cool to spend time playing Farm Town on Facebook because she lives in a real live Farm Town. :) Love ya Jojo

Dirty Shank #232 Penis

The Jailbird is playin' dirty today. This is a very passive aggressive commentary on a certain ongoing situation. I can't say more or there may be legal repercussions and/or someone ends up in jail. HA Card reads Tiny penis BIG attitude. I'll bet I could sell hundreds of these, too bad each card is 1 of a kind - what can I say, the Jailbird is an artist - would you ask Picasso to duplicate his work? I DIDN'T THINK SO.

Dirty Shank # 231 We're not gonna take it...

I don't really care what your political affiliation is.... we're all going to hell might as take the country with us.

Thanks to Ackshun Jackson for the inspiration for this card and I hope you like it!

Dirty Shank # 230 World

I said "let's be friends"...... what I meant was I can't get far enough away from you. What????????????? Oh, like you haven't said that... uh huh.

Dirty Shank # 229 Stubborn

You're stubborn - and frankly everyone is sick of it. Now you know.

Dirty Shank # 228 I'm so done

The Jailbird Commissary and the Dirty Shanks are now on facebook - be our friend!




I'm SO done. I also know exactly who is getting this card.

You can use this for your job, your boyfriend, your boss, your kids, your parents, spouse, girlfriend, professor, your co-workers - everyone and everything that you are *so* done with.

Dirty Shank # 227 Addiction

Addiction ~ enjoy the ride........... because when you crash and burn, I'll be there to point and laugh. Did I say that out loud? oh, and one more thing... if you have any leftover pills.... I could take them off your hands...

Dirty Shank #226 Hope

U kill hope.... and really, does it get any worse than that?

Dirty Shank #225 Spit

Dirty Shank #224 Happy Day

Cards says: "Happy Day! As you get older three things happen, the first is your memory goes,and I can't remember the other two."

I'll probably be banned from senior citizen centers everywhere... I can live with that.

Dirty Shank #223 Art Degree

Card reads:
the graduate with a science degree asks 'why does it work?"
the graduate with an engineering degree asks, "how does it work?"
the graduate with an accounting degree asks, "how much will it cost?"
the graduate with an art degree asks, "do you want fries with that?"

Dirty Shank # 222 Gene Pool

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.......... yes, I am talking about your family, blah de da.

Dirty Shank # 221 Lie

"Be good and if you can't be good lie." Anna Wooten, age 10

As you can guess - the stamped sentiment was altered to fit my needs... originally it said "be good, and if you can't be good be stylish." My apologies to little Anna Wooten, age 10- who will now have the dubious distinction of encouraging people to lie.

Sorry Anna ~ that's how I roll.

Dirty Shank # 220 Man's Best Friend

"If your dog doesn't like somebody maybe you shouldn't either."
Liam Holland, age 8

After receiving this email from my new friend Ackshun/A. son of Jack!

"...I've already shared your site with alot of friends... and my parents saw the other cards i ordered from you and they "totally dissaprove". And I showed em' to my shrink who "thinks there funny & disturbing as hell except the WWJD cat one he hated that because he's a cat person... He hopes I never send any of these cards to people, but thinks i probally will."

I'm declaring Dirty Shanks MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Parental disapproval and a real SHRINK says they are 'disturbing' - My work is so fulfilling :)

Dirty Shank # 219 Present

I would have bought you a birthday present but I hate you. Isn't it enough that I crashed your party?

Dirty Shank #218 You Need It

Feminine hygiene products, like this one, on a dirty shank card always illicit such passionate responses, like this.
I'm ready for the comments - let them fly!




This is pretty clear, right? You need it.... so use it.
I wouldn't tell you if I didn't care, really.

p.s. new (to me) funny site called Vanity Plates
~ in my local Costco parking lot I found a plate that read MOMS R US and wondered why a family had two moms - then I remembered it's UTAH - duh polygamists!
but then today, i thought maybe a couple of lesbo's - I don't know but I'm taking my camera with me everywhere from now on!

Dirty Shank #217 God hates you